


The Things I Do For the Boys

by Humbae



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Gen, Norge's Herligste, mild h/c, tegneseriemannen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 03:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humbae/pseuds/Humbae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two times Knut wanted to interfere but didn't, and the one time he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things I Do For the Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by QueensJenn's tumblr posts about Sound Guy Knut. (Blame her for this!)

Knut had not known what he had signed up for when he accepted the job as sound technician on Norges Herligste. He hadn't even heard of Ylvis before, other than that they were two young men who had done some stage shows and radio. He had soon learned that the two were very genuine, funny and eager to try new things and meet new people. They brought an energy to the film crew that continued to surprise Knut. When he thought he was having a bad day, listening to the boys bicker or have passionate discussions about the properties of the banana never failed to lift Knut's spirits. In a way, Knut felt like they were the younger brothers he never had.

Although it had been in their early days, the incident in Egersund had still come as a surprise to Knut. If there was one thing he had learned about Bård and Vegard, it was that they were very talented and hard-working. Their interview with a Bicycle Psychiatrist had started poorly and just gone downhill from there.

Knut had gotten in position with the boom mic, holding it in the ideal angle to catch everything that was said. Vegard had gone to greet the man with a handshake and an introduction. Knut didn't notice Vegard do anything provocative, but suddenly the man was squeezing his hand so hard that Vegard was brought to his knees. Then the man turned to Bård and repeated his actions.

Knut felt his blood boil. Watching the man crush those delicate musician's hands was almost too much to bear. For a moment, Knut actually considered hitting the man on the head with the boom mic, claiming it to be an accident. But the boys quickly salvaged the situation and the interview started properly. Knut followed it like he usually did, moving with the people and monitoring all the microphones in his portable thingymoo, like his young daughter called her father's equipment.

The interview was a little bit awkward: the interviewee didn't seem to warm up to the boys at all and the boys were still very new at it and somewhat cautious and insecure. At times, Knut felt like a nature photographer, wanting to pick up a fallen baby bird and put it back in its nest, but not being able to interfere. His job was the sound and that was all.

At one point, the man they were interviewing went to his back room and left the film crew waiting in his shop. The boys were talking to each other but Knut tuned that out. His attention was grabbed by their interviewee. He was talking to someone and Knut realised he was talking about the boys. He said some truly unkind and untrue things, obviously not realising that his microphone was still on and Knut was listening.

Knut was gripping the shaft of the boom mic so hard that it creaked. He could not believe the hateful things the man was saying. He wanted to barge into the back room and shut the man up, but instead, Knut kept recording. He would never play it to the boys, but he thought getting it on tape was important. Although most of the things the man said were completely unjust, there was some truth to some of the things. Knut thought he might bring the points up with the boys, giving them hints on how to improve. But the tone the man used, that was something the boys did not need to hear.

After the interview was over, the film crew piled into their small rental car and drove off to the next destination. Knut watched Vegard drive and Bård talk nonsense, not a care in the world. Well, the boys did think that the interview hadn't gone quite as well as they had expected, but they were not overly worried about it. It had maybe been a bit awkward, but they could edit it and have it appear more entertaining.

“I still don't get the joke,” Vegard said as he was waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

“I think it had to do with cats,” Bård said, sounding wise and deep.

“What the hell did it have to do with cats?”

“Everything has to do with cats. Shouldn't you agree?”

The boys continued their random discussion, one of the many Knut sometimes found entertaining and sometimes mostly annoying. This time he found it heart-breaking: the boys were still trying to figure the man out, giving him their time and their thoughts. Knut fisted his hands. How he wished he could've rammed his boom mic up the man's rear. But Knut was the sound technician, he was not to interfere with the interview, no matter what.

*****

Weeks slipped by and the film crew became an even tighter group. They got along beautifully and there was some true caring about one another. Knut found that he was genuinely fond of the boys. Sometimes they grated on his nerves, but somehow that was just fitting. They really were like his younger brothers. So when they filmed an interview in Brandbu, it became one of the most difficult ones Knut had witnessed.

Their previous interview had been far up north. They hadn't had long to relocate, so they had driven all day with as short breaks as possible. Ulf had driven for a few hours first and then Vegard had taken over for the rest of the day. It had been a bit of a boring trip: everyone was somewhat tired after a long continuous stretch of filming and conversation had been sparse. They had five more days to go and after that they would have a longer break. Everyone was eager to get the last few interviews done and go home.

It was very late at night when they finally made it to Brandbu. It was a small town with very few choices when it came to hotels. They checked in to the first one they found, tossed their luggage into their rooms and gathered for dinner together. Knut ate his fish with gusto since they hadn't stopped to eat for a while and he was starving, but he noted that some of the crew members were just too tired to be enthusiastic about food. Bård was yawning widely between his bites and Vegard was mainly poking his food with his fork, leaning his head on his free hand. Knut smiled fondly. Sometimes it showed how young the two were. Although the older members weren't faring much better, Knut noted with a grin. Ulf's eyes were half-closed and Nico was yawning almost in sync with Bård. They didn't linger after dinner but disappeared to their rooms: Nico as the highest ranking one got his own room while Knut shared one with Ulf, and the brothers were together. Knut wasn't entirely satisfied with the arrangement since Ulf tended to snore, but if he wanted a private room, he would have to pay for it himself. Learning to ignore Ulf was definitely the lesser of two evils.

Knut woke up refreshed that morning. He had been tired enough to just slip into sleep the second his head hit the pillow, blissfully oblivious to the chainsaw in the other bed. He was the first one at breakfast and he enjoyed his sandwich and tea slowly, savouring the moment. Of course, soon Ulf and Nico joined him and the quiet was spoiled. Not as badly as it could be though, Knut noted and realised that the brothers weren't there. Knut checked the time and raised his eyebrows. If those two didn't come soon, they would not have time to eat before their interview. When they still hadn't showed up after ten minutes, Knut volunteered to go drag them up.

He knocked on the door and waited. He had expected to wait for quite a bit, but Bård opened the door almost immediately. Knut could instantly see that something was wrong. Bård looked exhausted and quite upset.

“What happened?” Knut asked and tried to peek into the room past Bård. The young man stepped aside and let Knut enter. Knut first saw Bård's empty bed and then moved his eyes to Vegard's. Oh.

“He's been up all night, puking his guts out,” Bård said.

Knut looked at Vegard. Bård had put a plastic trash can next to the bed. Vegard looked like he might need it at any moment. He was pale, his eyes looked almost sunken and he was visibly shaking. Knut told Bård to relax and that he would inform the crew that they had to reschedule the interview. Bård nodded and sat down on his bed.

Knut returned to the dining area and told the message. Nico seemed displeased but dug out his calendar, phone and notes to find the Comic Book Man's number. After the man answered, they talked for a while and Knut noted that Nico did not sound happy. Eventually, he hung up.

“We're not rescheduling.”

“What?!”

“The man said that it would not be convenient for him next month when we could try again. He's also ill and he let us understand that if he could pull off an interview in that condition, so could the young ones.”

Knut had nothing to say. This interview would go straight to hell and he wanted no part in it. But of course he would do his job. Feeling angry, he strode back upstairs to the brothers' room to deliver the news. Bård was even unhappier about it than Knut, but Vegard ensured them that he would be fine. Of course, he was swaying on his feet as he said it, so Knut didn't believe a word of it. They did manage to get Vegard dressed and into the car without incident. Once seated, he immediately fell asleep. Knut had never seen Bård drive as gently and carefully as he did then. Knut put microphones on the boys and the filming could commence.

Knut knew from the start that the interview would be disastrous. He held his boom mic in place and monitored the sound levels and qualities from the individual microphones. At first the interview went well enough and Knut started to relax. The Comic Book Man was explaining about the museum and the exhibitions there. It was maybe a bit boring. There was none of the usual randomness as both boys were definitely off their game. And then came the moment Knut had been expecting: Vegard declared that he needed to go, like right now, and disappeared into the toilet. Bård looked worried but kept going with the man, letting him explain all he wanted about his museum.

Knut was torn for a moment. His job was to follow the interview and keep the boom mic in place. But he knew how sick Vegard was and wanted to make sure that he was okay. In the end, Knut followed with the main group but kept the feed from Vegard's mic on to monitor him. He was disgusted to hear exactly what Vegard was doing, but he kept the sound on anyway. If he heard a thump indicating that Vegard had fallen down or passed out or if he sounded like he was choking, Knut could run in to help. Luckily, all Knut heard was the sounds of Vegard being sick, which wasn't really something he ever thought he would be glad about. This had certainly not been in his job description.

The interview kept on going. Vegard eventually re-joined them, looking a bit better. That didn't last though. At some point, Knut heard Vegard mutter something about a second round and dash into the toilet again. Knut kept one ear on the interview and one on Vegard again. Bård and the Comic Book Man kept talking about the museum. Knut felt like they were starting to repeat the same things, but the man they interviewed seemed very happy to be able to talk about his passion so they let him.

However, as the man had said, he was also somewhat ill and at one point he left the interview to go to his own private toilet. Knut happily turned the feed from his mic off. They had heard a dreadful burp earlier and Knut had no desire to hear anything else the man did when he thought no one could hear.

Vegard re-joined them again, this time looking worse, if possible. They had been filming in the museum's Phantom Cave and were in front of some weird exhibition with a moving puppet. Vegard didn't appear to care or realise that they were filming, he simply plopped down in the nearest corner, closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. Bård tried to create some humour out of the situation, but it was somewhat feeble.

Knut wanted to interrupt the interview. He looked at Nico, but he was going through his notes and discussing camera angles with Ulf. Bård was looking at Vegard and Knut wondered if he was simply worried or feeling sick himself. It would certainly not be unexpected for the other one to fall ill as well. Which was all the more reason to end the interview and take the boys to the hotel to rest. They had five more days to go through, with seven interviews in Oslo and smaller towns nearby. Their schedule was tight, but it could still be doable. Not if they kept going like this, though. Knut felt impotent rage wash over himself. He wanted to interfere, to call an end to the interview, but he couldn't. He was the sound technician, not the director. He did not make any of the decisions so he did nothing.

Knut realised he wasn't really needed at the moment, so he started wandering around the museum. It was right next to the main entrance where he found what he had been looking for. It was an open cart with purple bean bag chairs on it. That would do.

Knut returned to the Phantom Cave and nudged Vegard. He opened glassy eyes and Knut pressed his hand against Vegard's cheek. Great, he seemed to be running a slight fever as well. Knut said that he had found somewhere Vegard could lie down on and pulled him to his feet. Knut held onto Vegard's one arm and Bård came to help with the other. Together they walked Vegard to the cart and sat him down on it. Vegard immediately lifted his knees up and burrowed into the bean bag chairs. Luckily he was short enough to fit when curled into a small ball. They left him alone to sleep and went to see if the Comic Book Man had returned. He had and was eager to show around the Phantom Cave properly. The film crew and Bård went with him, listening to him describe in great detail things that they could plainly see themselves. Knut concentrated on his job, but he kept one ear on Vegard's mic.

The museum's opening hours were finally approaching. The Comic Book Man had changed into a security guard type outfit and he suggested that it would be funny if he kicked the boys out. Nico agreed and the man pulled a bullhorn out. Knut thought he would shout something, but instead the man blasted the most obnoxious, loud noise out of the thing, right in Vegard's ears. Knut had to put his tongue between his teeth and chomp down hard on it to keep from doing something. The level of casual cruelty was almost more than Knut could tolerate. But he reminded himself yet again that he was not to interfere. The interviews would run their course however they went, it was none of his business how they went.

They made a hasty exit from the museum, pausing once right outside the door to let Vegard kneel down for a moment. He made it back to his feet but was swaying dangerously, so Bård grabbed his arm and gave him a boost to reach the front seat of the car. They headed back to the hotel and Nico got to rescheduling. They had learned their lesson and would not film anything else that day or on the following one. Knut just wished he'd had the power or the courage to prevent the disastrous interview from ever happening.

*****

After their break, the film crew were scheduled to film an interview with a woman who called herself the strongest of Scandinavia. Knut had seen a picture of her and he had to admit that it was one of the interviews he really looked forward to. The Bodybuilder Lady was tall, blonde and muscular. She had won several championships and set a couple of records. They would interview her at her summer villa outside Oslo. It was January, but she insisted on the remote location.

Vegard was the one to drive, as usual. That boy really had a thing for large machines, Knut mused as he watched the snowy sceneries pass by. The winter had started out as very mild, but after the year had changed, temperatures dropped to a daily average of -17 Celsius. Knut wasn't overly happy with the cold, but he knew it wouldn't last for long. Only a couple of months and the snow would be gone. Knut was thinking about his garden and counting when he would need to prune the apple trees when the car stopped. They had reached the villa and the interview could start. Knut gathered his equipment and followed everyone else outside.

“I had two hundred kilos on both ends of the bar and I lifted it even with fractured ribs. I think that was the moment when I realised that I was pretty good,” the Bodybuilder Lady said and the men nodded and smiled. They had learned that the woman they were interviewing could be considered somewhat conceited and she had quite unhealthy opinions about what she was doing. Nevertheless, the interview continued. She explained about her unusual training methods and how much being strong meant to her.

The group moved outside onto a pier with a delicate gazebo at the end. The lake they were standing on was frozen, but the ice wouldn't be very thick yet. The scenery was stunningly beautiful. Knut took a moment to just look around, enjoying the snow-covered trees and the clear blue skies. It was very cold and windy, but the lack of a cloud cover made the day bright.

“I train here often,” the Bodybuilder Lady said and pointed at the railing of the gazebo. Bård and Vegard were enthusiastic to try her training methods and asked her to show what she did. She told them to stand on the railing and then she would explain further. Knut watched with second hand embarrassment as the two clumsily climbed up. Vegard especially looked like he could've used a step stool. The Bodybuilder Lady told them to stand side by side with their backs towards her, gazing out onto the lake.

“Next comes the hard part. This is where you know if you are strong or not,” she said and the camera crew waited to see what would happen. “Do you give me permission to demonstrate?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

“Actually, can I borrow that?” the woman asked Knut and pointed at the boom mic. Knut handed the shaft over. He had no idea what the woman had in mind. He discreetly looked at Nico but the director was equally clueless. They kept filming though, hoping it would be entertaining.

“Right, if you're weak, you won't survive this!” the woman said with glee and Knut realised much too late what she was going to do. The Bodybuilder Lady raised the boom mic and held it horizontally. She pulled her arms back and then pushed the shaft forwards, hitting Bård and Vegard in the back. The boys were completely unprepared for the sudden shove and both fell on the ice.

Knut knew he was not supposed to interfere with the interviews, but the second he realised what the woman was doing, he rushed forwards, his role in the interview and rolling cameras be damned. He was just in time to see the boys fall and hit the ice. Only, their combined weight and the sudden impact was too much for the thin layer on the lake and both boys went through. Knut knew he had only seconds to act in the low temperature.

Knut ran out from the gazebo and a short way down the pier where he could lower himself carefully on the ice without a drop. He could only wish and pray that the ice would be strong enough. As he got close to the hole in the ice, he dropped down to all fours and crawled as close as he dared. He could see that Bård and Vegard were trying to get out from the freezing water, but the edge of the hole kept breaking from under them. Knut reached out with his hand, yelling at one of them to grab it. He couldn't really tell which flailing limb belonged to which brother, but he saw one of them grab the other's arm and push it to Knut's reach. Knut gripped the out-stretched hand and held on. He started backing away slowly, grateful that the brothers were smaller than he was. He got one of the brothers out – Bård, it seemed – and looked around. Ulf and Nico were on the pier, not daring to add their weight to the area. Knut yelled at Bård to go to them, but the young man was too cold, he couldn't really move. Luckily, Nico carefully stepped on the ice and started approaching Bård. Knut left him there and returned to the hole. He cursed profoundly when he noticed that Vegard's head was no longer above the water.

Knut crawled right to the edge of the hole, almost screaming in his mind, commanding the ice to hold. By some wonder, it did, and Knut reached into the water with his hand. He nearly pulled it out when the cold attacked him, but he kept going. His hand was going numb fast and Knut knew he had one chance only. If his hand didn't encounter anything within a couple of seconds, he wouldn't be able to feel it if it did. Some gods were smiling on him though, and Knut immediately felt something solid within his reach. He grabbed it and pulled up.

Knut had gotten a fistful of Vegard's hair. He reached out with his other hand, got a better grip from Vegard's shoulders and pulled the young man out. The ice was creaking dangerously and Knut knew they were in trouble. He tried to divide their weight to as wide an area as possible. He started backing towards the pier, pulling Vegard from his arms after him. The trip seemed to last forever, but was only a few seconds in reality. Knut could feel his hands burn with the cold when they came into contact with Vegard's wet clothes, but he held his grip. Finally, Knut was within reach of the others.

Nico had gotten Bård to the pier and wrapped him in his coat. It was nowhere near enough to warm him, but they had little choice in that situation. Ulf had run to their van to put the heater on. As soon as they'd get Vegard and Knut safely out from the ice, they would run to the car and hope it had warmed enough and that they wouldn't be too late. Knut kept crawling backwards until he heard Nico yell at him to lift Vegard. Knut obeyed, unclenching his hands with some trouble. They were already starting to freeze.

Nico pulled Vegard up to the pier and covered him with Ulf's jacket. Knut climbed up as well, moving very clumsily. He had not been badly exposed, but he was also starting to feel the cold already. They had to move fast.

Nico got Bård to his feet. Luckily, Bård was conscious enough to walk when supported. Knut picked Vegard up in his arms, not even sure if the young man was breathing. They had no time to check though. They started running full tilt to the van, knowing they were battling against seconds.

Knut spared one look while running to see if the woman was anywhere nearby. She wasn't. Knut was glad for that. He didn't know what he would've done if he had seen her.

Nico and Bård reached the van and Nico pulled the side door open. He guided Bård in and told him to take his clothes off. Bård started obeying with numb, shaking hands. He could barely manage it, but he kept moving and trying. Nico turned around to see Knut run to the van with Vegard lolling limply in his arms. They hopped in and Nico pulled the door shut behind him. It was rather crowded in the van. Nico pushed his way to Bård and helped the young man pull the wet, half-frozen clothes off. They tried to occupy as little space as possible to allow Knut to lay Vegard down on the floor.

Knut wanted nothing more than to stick his hands to a radiator, but instead he knelt down next to Vegard, opened his jacket and pressed his ear against his chest. Knut didn't hear or feel anything. Fuck.

“Ulf! Get here now!” Knut shouted, sounding somewhat hysterical but not being able to help himself. Ulf had recently gone through first aid training and he was the only one who hadn't gotten wet at all. He climbed back from the front seat, barely fitting through the gap between the seats. Nico made room by climbing into the trunk to grab all the blankets they had there. He handed one to Bård who had managed to get undressed and who was still blissfully unaware of his brother's state.

Ulf knelt down next to Vegard and immediately turned him to his side. Some water came out of Vegard's mouth and Ulf rolled him on his back and held his hand in front of Vegard's face. He pressed his fingers against the pulse point in Vegard's neck. The others were silent and looking at what was happening on the floor of the van. Ulf ignored them all and focused on what he was doing. He was by no means a professional and had only done it before on a resuscitation dummy, but he had to try. Ulf leaned Vegard's head back a bit and pinched his nose shut. Ulf took a deep breath and blew it into Vegard's open mouth. Ulf repeated the action a couple of times and then searched for the correct spot on Vegard's chest. Ulf started compressions, counting out loud. He could hear Bård yelling something hysterically, but he ignored it.

It seemed to last forever. Ulf had lost count how many times he had done the compressions and how many times he had blown air into Vegard's mouth. He knew it wasn't very many, but time seemed to have stopped, stretching the short moment into an eternity. Everything around him had gone quiet, or he simply didn't hear anything but his own frantic breaths and counting. Then finally, after Ulf gave another breath for Vegard, the young man started coughing and gasping for air. Ulf didn't lose his focus quite yet. He turned Vegard to his side and made sure his airways stayed clear as he vomited.

Ulf realised he was shaking and panting. He had just done that. He had saved a friend's life. He had thought the first aid course was just something handy to know just in case, he never truly thought he would ever get to put the skills to use. Now he was eternally glad he had gone through with it. He only vaguely noticed Knut push past him to remove Vegard's wet clothing. They should really start driving to a hospital to get both boys checked out. But Ulf couldn't drive quite yet. He knew he had to pull himself together fast, but he just needed a moment.

“Ulf? You okay to drive or shall I?” Knut asked. He had noticed that the camera man seemed quite shaken.

“Y-yeah,” Ulf said after a short pause. He was shaken, but he could function. He climbed back to the driver's seat and started the car. The heater was blowing hot air at full strength and Ulf hoped it was enough. The temperature felt very warm to him, but he could see everyone else shivering still. He told everyone to sit down and put seat belts on. Nico and Bård obeyed, but Knut stayed next to Vegard on the floor.

The drive to Oslo was blissfully uneventful. They had some way to go, but luckily that gave everyone time to warm up. Ulf was starting to be uncomfortably hot, but he didn't even consider putting the heater down a single notch. He sometimes asked how everyone was doing but only got very vague responses. Bård had managed to fall asleep, wrapped in two blankets and huddled close to Nico's side. Vegard was either asleep or unconscious, occasionally coughing. Knut had wrapped him in the remaining blankets and kept a close eye on the young man to make sure his condition didn't worsen. Ulf kept on driving, being very careful on the frozen roads.

On the following day, Knut and Ulf returned to the Bodybuilder Lady's villa to retrieve their camera equipment. In the mad scramble to get the brothers to safety, they had simply tossed their expensive equipment down, not caring one little bit where their cameras or microphones landed. There had been some stern words from the television station representatives but Knut had ignored them. He had priorities and a corporation's money was not among the highest ones, even if the station was his employer.

They had called the Bodybuilder Lady and agreed when they could visit her. If it had been up to Knut, the woman would be facing charges for attempted murder, but it seemed that she would be escaping all on account of having the brothers' oral permission to do what she did to them. The whole thing was turning into a legal mess and Knut wanted to stay away from it. All he wanted was his equipment back and then to forget the whole episode.

As Knut and Ulf entered the woman's property, the mood became frosty. She did not appear to be sorry at all, going as far as saying that she had pretty much proven her point about strength. Ulf had to physically restrain Knut to prevent him from doing anything. They walked back to the pier and picked up all the equipment, ruined beyond repair in the snow. After they had finished their task and bidden farewell to the woman, Knut and Ulf returned to Oslo without saying a word.


End file.
